The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2

The many faces of Isabella Swan – ★★★

Dylan Moran said that a woman’s life is like a constant opera with masks falling to the floor throughout your life whereas men have one finger up their nose, the other hand on their dick and they get taller. This pretty much sums up the Twilight Saga.

We pick up two days after the end of Breaking Dawn Part 1, so newcomers beware there isn’t any recapping. Bella (Kristen Stewart) has survived the ordeal of child birth and being turned into a vampire by her one true love Edward (Robert Pattison). Her first hurdle is coming to terms with how Jacob (Taylor Lautner) has imprinted (a process where a werewolf commits to one person for the rest of their life) himself on her newborn daughter. This isn’t as creepy as it sounds and doesn’t cause much consternation. Where the tension comes from is the Volturi coven, lead by Aro (Micheal Sheen) who see Bella and Edward’s daughter Renesmee as a threat to all vampires.

Read More

On the Road

Hit the road Jack – ★★★★

So let’s start this review with a disclaimer of sorts. Supposedly On the Road is based on some really famous book by some dude Jock Kerock? I have not read that book as my eyes can only absorb a narrative when it is projected at 24 frames a second.

Right then, confession time over – let’s move on.

Read More

Snow White and the Huntsman

SNow White and the Huntsman - Joan of Arc rides again - ★★★★

Joan of Arc rides again - ★★★★

Kristen Stewart plays a Snow White for the modern age, she will not cook, clean or flounce demurely in long flowing dresses. She will inspire, heal a wounded land and be a leader of men in Rupert Sanders’ fantastic directorial debut, Snow White and the Huntsman.

I would imagine that the recent success of Game of Thrones and its style was very much in Sanders’ mind when he went about undertaking the classic Grimm brother’s tale of Snow White. It is more easily aligned with Thrones or Ladyhawke than the 1937 Walt Disney animated version Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.

Read More

Breaking Dawn Part 1 – The Twilight Saga

Love hurts - ★★★★

With the fourth instalment of the Twilight saga the melodrama is cranked all the way to eleven.

Read More

92% v 29% – Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1

I love when the critics opinions (literally) mirror those of the fans.

Unintentially humourous moments? Slow? Joyless?

Sounds like Tree of Life to me!

Get the skinny at rottentomatoes.com